my first real boyfriend was in high school but i didn’t love him, not even in the young puppy love way. at the end of our junior year, he told me he loved me by writing ‘i love you’ in my yearbook after filling up a whole page with a rambling and shallow reminiscing of the past year. i fell in love in middle school with a boy who had bleached blonde hair that contrasted starkly against his jet black eyebrows. the first day i saw him, he wore black high top converse with a goldfinger band t-shirt and i thought he was the most beautiful boy i had ever seen in my life. he was quiet, observant and shy but i would catch him smirking quizzically to himself in class and it was the first time i understood what the word ‘yearning’ meant. the type of yearning that comes from being a young girl who was curious and oozing with feelings too big for her body, feelings too big for her to hold onto. the type of yearning that can only come from a young girl who dreams, hopes, wishes and fantasizes about something that can’t really exist.
© 2024 Ethaney Lee
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