not one to crave perfection
but comfort and solace
the truth is this: some days i wake up filled with the most indelible doom and heaviness. i’ve accepted that more often than not, i am a girl who simply feels so sad and there isn’t much to do about it. some days, i don’t want to do anything but wallow and rot in my own emotional heaviness. other days i want to find a way to lick my wounds to make myself feel better. and sometimes, i seek out comfort in any way i can. i don’t want perfection on days like these but instead, i want the weight of comfort settling around me and the radiating warmth of solace blanketing me.
these are a few meals i try to cook for myself when i am not seeking perfection but a better thing.
cooked rice sautéd with a bit of sesame oil, sliced scallions and a clove or two of freshly minced garlic.
a crispy egg fried on high heat in equal parts olive oil and butter until the edges are crispy and browned and the whites are set.
topped with garlic crisp or chili oil. sometimes i like lao gan ma, sometimes i like zhong sauce from fly by jing, sometimes i like mama teav’s.
miso soup with silken tofu with mackerel and rice.
i really just eyeball my miso soup because i feel like it’s very difficult to ruin. i usually use instant dashi (hondashi is what i use) and follow the directions for 2 cups of water. then once that comes to a gentle boil, i add a tablespoon of miso and sometimes i add more to taste. finally, i add silken tofu and scallion.
for the mackerel, i usually buy frozen mackerel from the korean store and let it defrost. once it’s defrosted, i pour 1 tablespoon of sake over the filet and let it sit for 15 minutes or so. i preheat the oven to 400 degrees and once the mackerel has sat with the sake, i generously sprinkle salt on the filet before baking for 15 minutes or so. check occasionally as maybe it needs a few more minutes but it should be browned on both sides. before eating, i squeeze lemon on the mackerel, grate fresh daikon and pair with rice, miso soup and tsukemono if i have it on hand.
i made this dish the other night when i felt so miserable and down that i started crying in the cereal aisle of whole foods and a kind older man gently asked me if i was okay. this was the only thing i wanted to eat and i ate it in bed and it was the only thing that halted my sadness for even a little bit.
i bring a quart of chicken stock to a boil with 1 tbs of chicken bouillon, a handful of roughly chopped scallions, 6 cloves of smashed garlic, 2 medium sized knobs of ginger that are sliced, 1 sliced jalapeño, 1/2 of a white onion with 1 tsp of turmeric. once it comes to a boil, i poach 2 chicken breasts in this broth for about 5-6 minutes depending on the size of your chicken breasts. i will salt it if necessary but i find that between the chicken stock and the chicken bouillon, i rarely need to salt it but will use flaky salt to finish. i love eating this with rice, a bit more of the poaching liquid drizzled on top with a lot of scallion and radish. it’s gentle food at it’s best.
a rice bowl with a runny egg, garlicky black beans, sauteed onions and bell peppers with avocado, sour cream, cotija, and guacamole is also food that makes me feel very comforted. i make quick garlicky black beans by using canned black beans on the stovetop, adding 4 cloves of minced garlic, 1 tsp of cumin, 1/2 tsp of oregano and salt.
and a forever go to. a forever favorite.
sweet baguette, fromage d’affinois, thinly sliced radish and flaky salt.
that’s it. and that will always be enough.
marcella hazan’s tomato sauce with orzo and simple meatballs with parmesan. marcella hazan’s tomato sauce is my favorite tomato sauce and it’s so simple to make. it’s a 28 oz can whole peeled tomatoes, 1/2 stick of salted butter, 1 onion sliced and let it all simmer for an hour or 90 minutes.
i use a very basic meatball recipe for days i feel like i am not in the mood to put much energy into anything. i use 1/2 lb ground pork and 1/2 lb ground beef, finely chopped flat parsley, italian breadcrumbs, 4 cloves of minced garlic, 1 whole egg, salt and pepper. i bake the meatballs at 375 for 20 minutes and then put them under the broiler for a minute or two to get very browned.
i add marcella hazan’s sauce to freshly cooked orzo, add meatballs and grate parmesan on top. this is usually (always) eaten in bed and it’s perfect for that.
wishing you comfort and solace always and even through the relentlessness of it all, i hope you eat well.
I feel like this sometimes... and feeding myself is the best form of self love