not so much a resolution

...but a prayer

the therapist asked us what we were proud of. we were sitting on the couch together but apart. i wanted to answer it without crying but it was so hard not to cry. i fumbled with the the soggy clump of tissues that were pressed into the palm of my hand and brought it up to my nose. the dampness of the tissue did nothing against the snot dripping out of my nostrils. i could feel the slick of it smear across my upper lip. i brought my sleeve up to wipe it away because in sadness and dissolution, there is no shame. well. i said. i looked at him. i’m proud of us for being kind and thoughtful and loving throughout everything. and i am proud of our growth-we have grown so much. that growth started out as something beautiful we were embarking on together but eventually shifted into me growing separately- away from him - and landed me in a place that felt exciting, new and unfamiliar. he says we are on different planets. a year ago, this would have been a little joke about us sleeping farther apart in bed or me stumbling around the house in my distracted exhausted state around my period. but now, it means something completely different. there is truth to this. he is here, i am there, he is there, i am here. we seem to be missing each other by a hair, not landing in the same place at the same time. sometimes it feels like we smile and wave at each other from across the ever growing space between us.