try a little tenderness q+a
...wildly tender, and whimsical, talkative (pantry essentials! favorite olive oils! non favorites!)
i looked in my refrigerator today and i kind of laughed to myself. it looks a little depressing and a bit pathetic but a good representation of where i am in my cooking life. in my refrigerator currently: a small handful of cotton candy grapes slowly wrinkling away in their crinkly plastic package, approximately 5 cherry tomatoes that on the vine that would immediately go to mush if i squeezed them between my fingers with just a bit too much pressure, a half empty quart of whole milk used only for my coffee (on the verge of expiration), a plastic tub of greek yogurt that i eat by the spoonful with a drizzle of honey, a pint of european plain yogurt that i meant to use to marinate my chicken thighs (which are still in my freezer), a variety of tender herbs that are turning shades of chartreuse and darkish brown, a random hefty leek, bubbly hot pink radishes that feel slimy to the touch from their green stems but otherwise still firm and crisp, a half block of sharp cheddar white cheese, half of an avocado that has turned a fully grotesque and splotchy brown, cotija cheese, a bottle of pink lady apple kombucha that has undoubtedly gone flat, tarragon dijon mustard that is too similar to wasabi for my taste, a dozen eggs that always make me feel comforted to see in their little ceramic egg holder, and a half full bottle of baby pink cheap rosé wine.
my new kitchen is still a place i am getting used to. i’m trying to get to know her but it’s been a little hard. maybe i have my guard up, maybe i am finding it a little hard to move on from my last kitchen, maybe my heart is still with the kitchen that is no longer mine. i’m learning this new cooking space, though. it’s just taking me a bit longer than i thought it would and that’s okay. good things take time.
i’m still getting used to what it means to ‘start over’. starting over for me means a tiny kitchen meant for only one person at a time, a much older and slightly broken down stove that still manages to be very powerful in her flame, an oven that looks like it has gone through a hundred lifetimes and requires a pilot light which seems too intimidating for me to attempt just yet, and cooking for just one which means i am able to indulge all my cravings and food preferences but sometimes, when my appetite is abysmal - it means i settle for random chunks of cheese, apple slices and a slice of sourdough. living alone also means i am able to indulge in my sadness which also affects my motivation to cook. sometimes, i look at my kitchen and i feel so tired (another word for sad) that i feel an inexplicable need to just lie down. sometimes i wonder if i actually, really, like really need to eat something of substance. sometimes i wonder how many days i can get away with just eating cherry tomatoes, bread and cheese for dinner. the lack of space feels overwhelming, the lack of familiarity feels depressing and truthfully, sometimes, the effort just doesn’t seem worth it. i try to remember if i ever felt like this before, in the old house. i can’t remember.
but i’m trying. i want to take care of myself. i want to eat well, always. i don’t want my desire to eat well to ever depend on whether or not i am in love with someone. i want to make beautiful meals for just me, and me alone. i want to take the time. i want to indulge in the ritual. i want to revel in the joy of being harmlessly selfish. i want to eat things that are pretty. i want to eat things made by my own hands. i want to eat things that make me feel whole again. i want to feel the romance of being hungry. so, i’m trying. it’s taking time but good things take time. and that’s okay.
i have all the time in the world.
i always get asked what my pantry essentials are and since i just recently re-organized my pantry and moved all my pantry items to my new apartment, i thought i would write out what i believe are my essentials. i have pared them down to literally the bare essentials because my kitchen space is so limited. here we go!
my pantry essentials:
cooking oils:
extra virgin olive oils — i like having a variety of olive oils in my pantry. i think it’s because i am always paranoid of running out. i like having a ‘lower quality’ olive oil for things that are lower stake, where the flavor of the olive oil doesn’t matter as much. for these types of olive oils, i will usually go to trader joe’s and get their extra virgin olive oil. i have found that even trader joe’s cheaper olive oil tastes better than graza (honestly…but that isn’t that hard to do).
for higher quality olive oils, i love hello branche. i love how each bottle has a distinct taste and flavor. no.1 is advertised as being more herbaceous and bold in flavor which is true but it never tastes bitter or overwhelming. no.2 is more buttery and delicate in flavor which i love using as a healthy drizzle over brothy beans or over stone fruit during the summer. i also really enjoy brightland. i find their olive oil to be of good quality and very versatile, especially in their flavor offerings. and for olive oil that offers medicinal qualities and is made in small batches, sant’ana is made with high quality olives and cbd that offers a lot of relief when my pmdd is particularly bad. i love the idea of cooking with an olive oil that is beautifully made and also offers some relief when i am not feeling the best.
grapeseed oil (i recently learned that you cannot make that vibrant green herb oil with olive oil because olive oil oxidizes and using grapeseed allows the herb oil to be rich in color), ghee, sesame oil, canola oil.
vinegars:
red wine vinegar, champagne vinegar, apple cider vinegar, rice wine vinegar are four vinegars i like having on hand because they all serve a different purpose. i like red wine vinegar for pickling, i like champagne vinegar as a finishing vinegar for brothy beans or salad dressings, apple cider vinegar to add a little zhuj to some recipes and rice wine vinegar for when i am making korean food.
i like having one or two ‘fun’ vinegars on hand and i like acid league’s strawberry rosé vinegar (not a fan of the garden heat one) for salad dressings or even in a tonic with sparkling water. of course, tart has a cult following for their unique vinegar flavors as well. i think acid league is a comparable alternative for tart if you aren’t looking to spend that much on an specialty vinegar flavor.
*honorable mentions that i will make room for in my pantry: shaoxing wine, chinese black vinegar.
cans and jars:
tinned fish (no offense, but i am so glad we have moved on from saying, hot girls eat tinned fish!!!!) is such an important essential to my pantry. i love having a variety of tinned fish that include sardines, codfish, trout, mackerel, tuna and tuna paté, and anchovies. i love having tinned fish that is in olive oil or in tomato sauce. i love having tinned octopus, mussels or cockles. i’m not too picky about my tinned fish and i feel like you can find good tinned fish at any price point. is jose gourmet worth it? yes, i think so and i do love splurging on tonnino tuna. but patagonia provisions, cole’s, matiz and bela also offer quality tinned fish at a reasonable price point. i also love fish wife. they have the best tinned smoked salmon. even their fly by jing collab is quite good. all to say, fish wife is absolutely worth their instagram popularity (unlike graza, no offense).
i have at least 2 28 oz. can of whole peeled tomatoes on deck at all times because you never know when you desperately need to make marcella hazan’s tomato sauce or something. i also like having a tube of tomato paste available along with boxed chicken broth (that is not low sodium), chicken bouillon paste, cans of black beans, garbanzo beans, butter beans (this is my favorite brand of canned butter beans), kidney beans just for fun, capers in brine, and of course, garlic oil. i’ve been very vocal about how much i love mama teav’s garlic oil only because it’s true! it’s the best garlic oil i’ve ever had, not only because it’s flavorful but it’s extremely versatile. i love that it goes well with asian dishes as well as american food. i am also always happy to support a local east bay family run business. i don’t use chili oil as much anymore only because i found that it would upset my stomach but i did go through a period where i was very into fly by jing’s zhong sauce.
condiments:
mayonnaise, jarred calabrian chili (so crucial), tahini, gochujang, soy sauce, ketchup, fish sauce, harissa, mustard (i like zab’s! their hot sauce and hot honey are also good. another instagram popular brand that is actually worth it), i love having this sauerkraut in my refrigerator at all times (it’s so good with rice, beans, avocado and a fried egg or on top of a salad), hoisin, oyster sauce, cornichons, maple syrup, miso, dry white/red wine, vodka (for cooking or making your own vanilla extract!).
dried goods:
jasmine rice, short grain rice, cous cous, barley, a variety of dried beans (i like their midnight black, christmas lima bean, marcella, scarlett runner, royal corona, vaquero, ayocote morado)
dried pasta (i like having spaghetti on hand and at least two different varities of short pasta like fusili corti bucati, gemelli or even farfalle. i don’t like rigatoni! i don’t like penne! i don’t like angel hair!)
panko (if you ever come across honey panko, i suggest trying it!), bread crumbs, rolled oats, bob’s red mill 10 grain hot cereal, pepitas, unsalted pistachios, roasted and unsalted almonds, walnuts.
my favorite peanut butter is the honey roasted peanut butter at berkeley bowl. ethan got me hooked on it and sometimes i will suffer the stress of going to berkeley bowl just because i need to stock up on that. i also love having good honey on hand, i love loverslane wildflower honey (i don’t mind spending a bit more on a big jar because it will last me forever and it doesn’t spoil!) and i like gipson’s honey, a lot. gipson used to sell a good sized jar of wildflower honey with a big chunk of honeycomb in it for $14 which felt so decadent and special. i haven’t seen it in awhile but if you see it, it’s worth purchasing!
baking:
all purpose flour and bread flour (i like using king arthur). i don’t believe in buying cake flour even though i know some recipes call for it. if a recipe absolutely insists on it, then i will do the DIY method that you can find online.
almond flour, cornmeal, cornstarch, milk powder, yeast, baking powder, baking soda, cream of tartar, dutch processed cocoa powder, vanilla extract, vanilla beans, almond extract.
dark brown sugar and light brown sugar, granulated sugar, powdered sugar, demerara sugar
semi-sweet chocolate bars, dark chocolate bars, milk chocolate bars. i like buying the pound plus bars from trader joe’s because you can’t beat the price. i like splurging on guittard chocolate bars for a special baking project but they are so expensive that it can be hard to justify. and lastly, a variety of chocolate chips! semi-sweet, milk, dark, and white!
dairy:
good salted butter! i love these brands shown here and i love frentel, i love lewis road creamery, i love kerry gold, i love delitia butter and trader joe’s cultured salted butter. i do not like plugra butter and think it’s one of the worst butters to bake with. that is one butter you can absolutely skip forever, i don’t care who says otherwise and i say that with my whole chest.
a good quality parmesan cheese that is not pre-shredded or pre-grated, feta cheese, goat cheese, boursin so you can make this pasta when you need something quick and comforting to eat.
greek yogurt, plain european style yogurt
i always like having heavy cream on hand, just in case! you never know when you might need to make whipped cream or thin out an icing.
*not dairy but eggs! i always make sure i have eggs.
last but not least…spices:
i feel like essential spices are so personal and are very tailored to what you enjoy cooking or your taste palette. my essential spices are red chili flakes, cumin, cayenne, white pepper, aleppo pepper, cinnamon, berbere, turmeric, peppercorns, paprika, garam masala, oregano, cardamom, garlic powder, bay leaves, sesame seeds, nigella seeds, maldon salt.
i always make sure i have fresh garlic, shallots and onions on hand just because these feel like these are the start of any good dish.
miscellaneous pantry essentials for me:
i like using crates to organize my things otherwise it would be a disaster because i am a naturally very disorganized, messy person. i use these hay crates in various sizes but you can absolutely use any organizational method/item that works best for you.
i like using this ceramic egg crate because i’m one of those sickos that will crack an egg and then put the empty shell back into the carton. so this stops me from keeping the empty egg shells like a weirdo and lets me keep track of how many eggs i have left so i don’t overbuy eggs (in this economy especially??? no thank you).
i will go through paper towels like it’s nothing when i am cooking or baking, just out of convenience, so having a zillion kitchen towels is really important to me. i love these ikea ones so much because they’re so incredibly absorbant, simple, thin and affordable. i always reach for these when i am cooking.
i would love to hear what your pantry essentials are.
please feel free to leave a comment!
loved this list, I love seeing what other people's essentials are. I've just found your work and you are a ray of sunshine.
My essentials include a good pickle or chutney...spicy tomato, mango, whatever.
I love the Jose Gourmet tinned fishes, too :) My happiness is also buoyed by jars of pickles and sauerkraut in the fridge, norwegian crispbead crackers in the cupboard, and quality cocoa powder, maple syrup, and fancy marshmallows to make hot chocolate whenever the craving hits.
Getting settled in a new, solo kitchen, too. Sending love from mine to yours.