try a little tenderness q+a! a recipe! what i am loving!

it's a two in one this week

sometimes i hate the saying: all you can do is try your best because sometimes deep down, i know my best isn’t enough or i know my best isn’t really my best. sometimes viv and i send each other audios throughout the day, on the hard days, reminding each other that all we can do is our best when we feel like time is slipping through our fingers or when we feel overworked or stretched too thin. i think about that, especially the past couple months. i feel like my life has been an ongoing ‘things have been kind of hard’ (said in a very sheepish tone when asked) and i am honestly just so exhausted by things just feeling so fucking hard. but life goes like that, i think. sometimes we go through long stretches where things feel so rough on us, we’re more sad than not, we’re falling behind on deadlines, we procrastinate, we are not sleeping as much as we should, we’re not eating as well as we need to be, we feel a tiredness that has consumed us whole, our best doesn’t seem to be enough, it just feels as if we are drowning.

i don’t know when this will pass or when things will start feeling good again. i’m trying to enjoy the good where i can find it and i’m still continuing to try my best even though i know it’s just not quite enough. but i know (or i choose to believe and cross my fingers) that one day very soon, my best will make me feel proud again but until then, i’m learning to be okay with it. so if you’re also in a season of struggle: i hope you find solace in the days being longer, the sun shining warmer and knowing that i can feel the treasures of life making their way towards us!! love will pour down on us!! calm will envelop us!! we will be okay!! we’re gonna make it!!

---

what do you do when you feel lonely but can’t necessarily hang out with loved ones?

a few months ago, after work on a friday night, i felt the unrelenting pangs of loneliness. i felt so alone and i felt so lonely that it almost hurt and it made me want to cry but at the same time, i didn’t want to be around anyone. i kind of wanted to marinate in my own loneliness but i didn’t want to be alone so i took myself to a movie. a film i had been wanting to see happened to be playing at a small local theater so i bought myself a ticket, bought myself a small popcorn with a box of peanut m+m’s and a small diet coke and sat in the back row. i did it again a few weeks later. i’ve done variations of this throughout my life and i’ve always found it to be a great comfort during a time that can feel sad or unsettling. sometimes it’s going to a movie, sometimes it’s roaming around a museum, sometimes it’s just taking myself out to coffee at a coffee shop that has good people watching and good pastries, sometimes it’s taking myself out to lunch. for myself, just being around people makes me feel a little less alone or it dulls the feeling of being lonely. there’s something quite nice about being around strangers where you blend into the background but you still feel like you are a part of something. that something can be a sea of strangers, some solo, watching a movie on a friday night.

---

have you ever been cheated on?

when i was eighteen, i had been dating my boyfriend for a few years when i found out that he went on a ski-trip with an ex girlfriend. i had no idea as he would call me daily and he never mentioned she was there with him. i found out a few days before he returned and i refused to confront him until i saw him in person. for eighteen year old me, this was the most devastating thing i could possibly feel. i felt like i was going to die! i thought i was going to pass out from how angry and hurt i was! the feeling of betrayal and confusion was unrelenting. i’ll never forget that feeling. i had a fear of being lied to or being deceived for quite a bit after that. it was something i carried with me for many years and it sucked. there isn’t really an eloquent way of putting it. it just sucked really badly. but i’ve learned that you can’t carry these hurts with you forever because not every one will treat you the same and you have to believe there are people who want to be kind to you and are capable of being honest. to trust this and to believe it is for our own well-being and our own happiness. to still be open to trusting people and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable is loving for our future selves.

---

please tell me how to fall in love again. with life. with food. anything and everything.

it’s okay to not be in love with life all the time. life is beautiful but life is also hard and life is also sad. as much as i want to love life every single day, it can be hard for me. i eventually find the small things that make me fall back in love with it but it’s not always easy.

i always think about how finding joy is an active practice. i think about that with love, too. we have to actively find ways to appreciate it and choose to fall in love with it. for me, that is opening the windows as soon as i wake up even if it’s really chilly outside and i feel incredibly blissfully happy by just drinking coffee in bed. i fall in love with life when i smell the chlorine of the pool for the first time of the warmer season. i feel a little more in love when i eat something really delicious after not feeling very hungry for a few days.

like with any love, you walk into it. you choose it. you work toward it and you find reason for it. it doesn’t just happen. it’s something you choose because it feels right and it makes you feel good and happy.

---

what are you listening to/watching these days?

watching? any horror/thriller movie i can find on all the streaming services. they’re just kind of playing constantly in the background while i’m working or just on my computer. i really don’t understand my obsession with horror lately. none of the movies have been particularly notable minus the ones i listed in my previous newsletter. i haven’t been really watching any tv shows, either! i think my patience for tv shows can be kind of low and i will always prefer to watch a movie- even if it’s bad.

listening to: i have been listening to a lot of kali uchis, particularly this song and this song. i love this song by mereba as it makes me want it to be summer time so badly. i love listening to this song as soon as i wake up, it helps me wake up a little bit gentler. another favorite waking up song. listening to a lot of older tei shi and blood orange, too.

---

little things i am loving:

my brother’s girlfriend bought me a little opinel knife keychain last summer and i have to say that this has come to be so incredibly useful and handy!!!! i will never, ever be without one and i am truly in awe of how sharp this little thing is.

i kind of have a small crush on this bath mat but i can’t really put my finger on why. is it the cherry red color checkered squares?? maybe?

this shell shaped butter dish has been in my cart for literally 2 months. it’s $15. what is holding me back? imagine using this dish as a butter mold….it’s so cute.

viv bought a mobile which inspired me to get a mobile for a corner of my apartment. i bought this one and i actually love how calming it is. i didn’t think it would be something i really paid attention to in my house but i find myself just watching it while i’m in bed and i find it strangely very soothing.

i’m huge into baroque pearls right now so i am very into this bracelet.

speaking of scary movies, can’t wait for this a24 one.

---

i love you. i want us both to eat well.

i feel very fortunate to partner with ButcherBox for this week’s recipe! ButcherBox truly makes it so convenient to have high-quality, humanely raised ethically-sourced meat on hand. with a variety of cuts and options to choose from, it makes it so convenient to cook whatever you’re craving whether its steak frites, meatballs or chicken milanese. ButcherBox also prioritizes quality in their products, offering 100% grass-fed/grass-finished, and with never any antibiotic or added hormones, ever. i find a lot of reassurance knowing that the animals were raised and treated with care, and that the meat comes from sustainable and responsible sources.

pov: we daydream about being somewhere else but we’re here and that’s wonderful too. so I make us a meal that makes us feel like we are somewhere else without having to leave the comfort of home.

what you’ll need:

favorite cut of ButcherBox steak (rib-eye, new york strip, sirloin)

4 russet potatoes

olive oil

peanut oil (or any other neutral frying oil)

salt

kewpie (or your favorite mayo or aioli)

for the french fries:

scrub and rinse the potatoes, then peel and cut them into thin matchsticks

soak the fries in ice cold water for at least 1-2 hours to remove excess starch so they will be crispy!

drain the fries and pat them dry with a kitchen towel or paper towels (this is very important as you do

not want to experience oil splatter when you place your raw potato into the pot of oil)

on the stovetop, in a large dutch oven or pot, heat enough peanut oil to cover the fries

when the oil is hot (around 370°F), carefully add the potatoes in small batches to avoid overcrowding

fry the fries for one to two minutes then remove them from the oil using a slotted spoon. do this in batches until all your fries have had their first fry!

then, repeat the process, frying your fries a second time in batches until they are golden brown and crispy (this could take a few minutes),then remove them from the oil using a slotted spoon

transfer the fries to a plate lined with paper towels to drain off any excess oil

then, in a large bowl, toss and season the fries with salt while they are still hot

for the steak:

let the steak rest at room temperature for at least 30 minutes before cooking

season liberally with salt on both sides

heat the remaining tablespoon of olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat

once the pan is hot, place the steak in the skillet and cook for 4-5 minutes per side for medium-rare

remove the steak from the skillet and let it rest on a cutting board for 5 minutes

when slicing, slice against the grain

to serve:

place the steak on a plate and cover with a heaping serving of fries

although aioli is more traditional to serve with steak frites, I love dipping my fries into kewpie so that is what I use!

enjoy!

ps: ButcherBox is running a promotion where anyone who signs up for ButcherBox before may 7th gets free chicken thighs in their box for an entire year! use tender20 for $20 off your first order!