what is a girl to eat?
a recipe for my preferred green sauce and hesitantly welcoming some changes...
i didn’t want to see an acupuncturist today. i sat at my mom’s dining table with her and my brother and asked why i had to go later that afternoon. mom, i really do not want to. i am not in the mood. she told me i had no choice. i scoffed at this and immediately became pissed because i felt 13 years old again. i felt the irritation of being forced to do something bubbling in the center of my stomach and the agitation made it so that the only thing i could focus on was angrily stabbing pieces of bok-choy from the bowl in the center of the table and brainlessly stuffing each piece into my mouth.
the reasons why my mom was forcing me to go were complex and varied but one of the reasons was because he is a very well known and reputable holistic doctor who was leaving the country soon. all he’s going to do is take your pulse! that’s it! my mom said this to appease me but it just made me more irritated. it was 90 degrees and for the appointment, i knew i would have to wear long jeans and a long sleeve top to cover my tattoos. ethan was in my other ear telling me i needed to go get my car washed because it was absolutely fried and filthy. these were two things i did not want to do. i told my mom that i would leave the appointment after ten minutes. i would let him take my pulse but that was it. then i was leaving. fine! that’s fine! ethan came back into the dining room and said, you seriously need to go get your car washed. i felt like screaming but i finished the bok-choy from the bowl, got dressed and went to go get my car washed.
i was sweating in my clothing. i was scared the sweat on my chest would somehow make my white linen shirt become see-through and both the acupuncturist and my mom would see my chest tattoo. i didn’t want to think about how i would deal with that. his house did not have air conditioning but it seemed like this didn’t bother anyone else except me. he motioned for me to lie down and my mom translated for me. he wants you to lie down on your back. he pressed his fingers into my wrist and i became self conscious about the ripped up cuticle skin around my thumbs that were raw, pink and blood tinged. i tried covering my thumbs with my pointer finger so he wouldn’t see them. his fingers stayed gently pressed into my wrist for ten seconds before he sucked in the breath between his front teeth and told my mom in korean that my blood is very thick. your blood is very oily. like sludge.