i’ve been feeling like someone who exists outside their body except i can’t find my way back. i feel like a woman who doesn’t know where she can exist in truth or where she even belongs. my skin feels too taut, my face feels swollen and unfamiliar, i wake up in the middle of the night with sweat behind my knees and my chest damp and sticky. i feel sick. i feel ill. the kind of sick that leaves you feeling like your brain is on fire, a vast treacherous emptiness that swallows you whole into a black nothingness where there is no light, there is no joy, there is no way out. i want something. i desperately need something. but i can’t figure out what i need to feel better so i lie down and wait for the hours to pass, my heart palpitating and aching all at once.
© 2024 Ethaney Lee
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