enjoy yourself

it is later than you think

the last couple years, substack was a lifeline. it was a place for catharsis, a place where i could unleash feelings, express my thoughts, share my fears and sadnesses, and my happiness too. it was a space that allowed me hope that someone, somewhere, would make me feel seen and understood. less irrational, less crazy, not too much even in my most dramatic of expressions. it was also an emotional scrapbook of sorts. i loved sharing about my life and creating posts that were of a collection of images, poems and random excerpts that meant something during that specific time.

lately, i feel like i’ve been so absent from this space and it’s been harder and harder for me to catch up. i know i’ve written a couple posts promising i would be back and asked for your patience but i would just feel this looming pressure and stress to write or post which gave me a brain freeze and made me feel even more stuck. then the guilt combined with stress would settle in because i knew people were paying for me to only post once a month, twice if we were lucky and i felt terrible about that. i had this big dream when i first started substack that it could eventually become my main source of income and i could just hole up in my apartment and spend my days drinking coffee or wine and dabble in just enough narcissism to make it a career. but real life (mine at least) doesn’t work that way. instead, i chose to ease away from social media, both instagram and substack and took up a full time job that doesn’t relate to writing or food. turning 35 years old kind of did something to me; i suddenly craved the stability and routine that i had tried to run away from for so long.

i decided to pause all paid subscriptions indefinitely. all posts will be public going forward and i’ll slowly remove the paywall from my archived posts so all subscribers can read them if you’d like. i know that there are so many substacks nowadays that give opinions on where to eat, what to eat, what to buy, where to buy, what to watch, what to listen to, what’s cool, what’s not cool and although a small part of me wishes i could be a substack like that, i want to think of my substack as more of an emotional scrapbook again. i’d like it to be a place where i can still come to to be vulnerable and true, post a random recipe here and there and not out of pressure or expectation, but because i want to. it no longer needs to be a place where i make money or where i try to gain popularity. it can just be, i guess.

i’m kind of looking forward to this new phase of try a little tenderness. it feels kind of exciting but most importantly, it feels freeing! so thank you for being here for this long and i hope you continue to be.

not for riches but for love,

e