try a little tenderness pt.2
plus a quick little refresher on good morning yellow eggs
in this letter to you: the grief of missing someone, how to be brave when making decisions, finding purpose, and how do you know it’s the end?
i hope these q+a’s never come across as if i think i have all the answers or i am some all knowing oracle. i love being an older sister to my brother and i always feel so honored when he comes to me for advice or feels safe and comfortable enough with me to talk to me about what is going on his life and how he is feeling. similarly, i feel really honored that so many of you trust me enough to ask for my opinion on such thoughtful topics. i don’t know everything but i do know that i really cherish my role as a sister so i’m happy to be your honorary older sister if you need me. if there are any questions you’d like to ask, leave a comment and i’ll answer there directly.
how do you handle grief when missing someone who is still alive but just left your life?
when jeremy and i split up, it took me awhile to realize that i deeply missed so many things about him and our relationship. the grief was so heavy that i didn’t really know how to process it so i tried my best to ignore it. he was still in my life but our dynamic had gone from romantic to platonic and sometimes, we were hanging by a thread to remain friendly. some days, it felt like he was no longer in my life.
grief is one of those rare emotions that you don’t always move on from but you learn to grow and continue to live on in spite of it. you continue to wake up, you continue to drink your morning coffee, you sleep in, you wake early, you kiss someone new, you sparkle in the light of a small crush, you spend nights alone, you eat well, you indulge, you wander, you come back, you daydream, you stare listlessly at your ceiling some nights, you float back to a time in the past, you look to the future, you drift in the melancholy, you come alive in the sunshine, you freeze in nostalgia, you weep a little in the driver seat of your car, you find yourself growing and moving and moving and slowing down and moving again and slowing down until one day the grief is small enough to keep deep in your pocket. it’s somewhere. it’s close enough to feel with your fingertips but it’s not enough to weigh you down.
that’s sort of the kind thing about life. no matter what, it continues to go on so in turn, we continue to go on.
how to make brave decisions to create a life that aligns with your values?
every decision you make in life is a brave decision and i truly believe that. i really believe that as you get older and you get to know yourself more, each decision you make is aligned with who you are and who you are becoming. it’s a process that happens naturally and organically. maybe not every decision ends up being the easiest decision, the smartest one or the best one… and maybe the choices we make make life a bit more difficult for a time but, but, but! we make these brave decisions in hopes of something more honest and more real. other people might not understand the choices you make, but you do.
listen to and trust your gut instinct, it loves you.
any words on finding your purpose/vocation? i feel so lost these days.
we all feel directionless sometimes. i remember feeling that way for several years when i didn’t have a job and i felt like I was sort of just drifting along, trying to find ways to occupy myself and keep busy. i thought i would become a yoga teacher so i got my yoga teaching certification and then decided i didn’t really want to stand in front of a classroom full of people and nervously guide them through a flow for an hour. i was then doing farm work a couple days a week and wondered if that was something i wanted to pursue seriously. like you, i felt lost in regards to what i was supposed to be doing and what i wanted to be doing. but it was during this time that i discovered cooking and how much i enjoyed learning about it. i also rediscovered my love for oversharing on the internet via writing so slowly, these two things began to come together and i realized that for now, this make me feel fulfilled. some days that feeling changes and i wonder if i want to keep doing this and other days, i feel so content with what makes me happy.
so my opinion on this is that our purpose is something that we are allowed to figure out slowly. sometimes through feeling aimless, we find what really resonates with us and makes us feel fulfilled. be patient and kind with yourself, extend grace, dabble in things that you find interesting…see what clicks for you and what doesn’t. sometimes i think about what i would tell my kid if i were to be a mom regarding this topic, because i think this feeling is universal. i think i would tell them that their purpose in life is to find anything and everything that makes them feel happy and encourages their curiosity. and in time, things will fall into place.
how do you know when it’s the end?
my answer is short but it’s the most succinct way i think i can put it.
love will tell you when it’s over.
good morning yellow
the other day i posted soft scrambled eggs on my stories and i was inundated with questions on how to make them. i posted tips on my stories but in case you missed it, here is a little refresher!
the most important tip for silky soft scrambled eggs (this is not the classic french way) is making sure the eggs are beaten very well and making sure your pan is ripping hot. i forgot where i read this but i use chopsticks to whisk and beat eggs. i find it easier to break up the yolks and the whites and maybe i’m imagining it but i think it aerates the eggs more so they become fluffier and silkier.
heat your pan on the highest heat and let it heat up while whisking your eggs.
don’t salt your eggs before cooking because the salt interferes with the proteins (i think i heard @itsholly say this and i have lived by this ever since).
once the pan is very, very, very hot, turn off the heat, throw in a tbs or so of butter and immediately pour in your eggs.
using a rubber spatula, gently push the eggs around until just set! this should literally take 10 seconds or less.
sprinkle with flaky salt.
and voila!
it’s fail proof and very, very easy.
i pinky promise!
i’m so happy you’re here.
thank you for being here.
Really appreciating this because it feels very in sync with some things I've needed to hear and think about lately. Thank you for sharing. Especially appreciate the notes on grief and the soft scramble tips, because entering a new, quiet chapter of life has involved many mornings standing over the stove loving myself in the form of eggs.
Those eggs look amazing