hi, how are you? how is your week going? how are you feeling? how is your heart? how have you been sleeping? have you been dreaming? have you been feeling well? are you eating delicious things that make you feel happy? did you eat something good this week? did you listen to any songs that made you think of someone special? have you been laughing a lot? have you been doing good things for yourself? have you been kind to yourself? have you shown yourself patience and grace? are you feeling loved?
what should i cook for my partner and i’s four year anniversary?
congratulations, happiest four year anniversary! that’s something to celebrate! my idea of celebratory love food goes like this:
moules frites: mussels cooked in butter and white wine with a lot of garlic and parsley served with a mountain of homemade french fries. paired with champagne and a crisp, fruity, not too sweet white wine. it’s a dish that can be eaten with your hands and there is nothing more fun and sexy than eating with your hands with someone you love.
shrimp scampi with linguini: my mom makes the best, best shrimp scampi with linguini. it just reminds me of love and happiness because she makes it for me whenever i come visit her at her home and we sit, eat and catch up while sitting across from each other. it’s simple and so delicious. there’s something really fun about sharing a heaping plate of pasta with succulent shrimp coated in garlic and butter and olive oil. all of it being bathed in candle light that feels so fuss free yet really cosy and romantic. kind of how long term love should feel.
an elaborate late breakfast: perfectly poached eggs served with lightly toasted sliced pain au levain and homemade whipped butter. homemade pancakes or waffles dusted with powdered sugar and served with whipped butter and warmed up maple syrup. radishes and salted butter. a plate of soft cheeses, with good honey and mortadella or a good salami and cornichons. a big, big fruit plate with mint and lemon zest. freshly squeezed orange juice, good coffee or tea.
but whatever you make will taste of love and no matter what you eat, your love will be celebrated. you make the food special.
first love advice? going through heartbreak and cannot get rid of that feeling of connection to him.
my first love was a relationship that lasted for 3 years. i was sixteen and it lasted until i was 19. he was my first, true love. i really thought we were going to be together forever - we would get married, have two kids, the house and the whole picket fence. it was an intoxicating feeling - being that in love with someone and feeling so connected because it’s all you really know. a first love is so powerful, it’s just this deep rooted physical and emotional need that really forms our brain chemistry in how we think about love and connection. my first love and i broke up and when i thought we were going to get back together, he let me know he was engaged. i really thought my whole world was going to shatter and break into a zillion pieces. i had no idea how to move on. i really didn’t think i could find anyone else that i connected with like i did him and i didn’t think i could ever, ever love someone as much. but i was wrong, of course.
first loves are profound, powerful and life changing and they shape our expectations but they are not the be all, end all. first loves show us our capacity to really, really love someone and show us our ability to feel deeply for someone else. moving on from a first love proves to us that we are brave to choose to love again. first loves confront us with hard truths. first loves prove to us that whatever we think we know about love - there is so much more to learn and so much more to experience. first loves encourage us to be curious, to be bolder, to be more self aware, to be more honest with ourselves and others, to be kinder, to be more considerate. first loves teach us so much about ourselves and what kind of love we want or what kind of love we do not want. first loves are a gift. but please know that no love exists twice in this world and that is what is so beautiful about love. so the love you are scared you will never find again with your first love will not be found again. and that’s okay. because what you will find, is something new and different. something you didn’t think you needed or even wanted, but love evolves and so do we.
so try to find comfort in that.
love evolves and so do we.
i’m 26 and have never been in a relationship. any dating advice?
it’s okay to be 26 (or any age) and never have dated. pressure to be doing xyz at xyz age is so overwhelming and can often make us feel like we’re behind when really, we’re not at all. do everything at your own pace, take your time because you are precious (my mom told me this when i was in my twenties and i will never forget it), do what makes you feel comfortable, if you don’t feel like dating - don’t date.
but if you do feel like dating, my advice is to always put your safety and your comfort first. you make the rules. spend your time and energy on people who make you feel good, spend your time and energy on people you find interesting and funny or smart, it’s always okay to change your mind, it’s okay to move at a slow pace - or whatever pace you want to move, trust your gut instincts, always choose to send the risky text meaning please don’t be scared to be vulnerable and honest with your feelings if you feel the urge to do so (some of my most beautiful moments have come from me just baring my soul out to someone for the simple reason that if i didn’t say it, i would regret it forever and i would rather feel embarrassed or rejected than regret not expressing my feelings), boundaries are a really lovely thing! wear what makes you feel good- whatever that may be, have a pre-date ritual even if it’s something small like making a pre-date playlist with songs that make you feel excited or happy or drink a glass of wine as you get ready, facetime your best friend while getting dressed. but just remember that you make the rules. dating can be fun, dating can be frustrating, dating can be stressful but it should never feel scary.
you are also worthy of so much! you are worthy of reciprocity! tenderness! affection! care! adoration! effort! open communication! honesty! sometimes the thrills and the uncertainties of dating can make us forget those things but please never forget that!
worst piece of advice you’ve been given?
the worst advice i’ve ever received was:
the only way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
i think the most empty, numb feeling i’ve ever experienced was choosing to sleep with someone to momentarily dull the pain of losing someone i loved.
everyone is different and maybe this adage works for some but this was the worst advice i ever followed because it made me feel so incredibly sad afterward. i remember going to the korean spa where i was naked and had all my dead skin scrubbed off just because i felt so terrible. i wanted to feel renewed, reborn and i wanted to feel like the skin that had been touched by this someone new was no longer on my body - it was no longer a part of me.
i was ‘pure’.
what brings you joy, enthusiasm, excitement about life?
the unknown makes me very excited. it also makes me very scared, to be honest.
i can be a quite melancholy person. i can become very depressed (my mom hates when i say this), i have days where i feel very, very sad for no reason at all, i can be very hard on myself and i can be quite mean to myself, i have days where i feel very non verbal and speaking feels exhausting. i have days where everything feels so heavy and just so bad. especially lately. i don’t always find the joy and excitement in life. sometimes it’s an active practice in trying to find those small silver linings.
so this will sound silly but some days, i find a lot of joy in waking up and deciding that i will treat myself to a honey latte even if it costs me $7 because it’s something that makes the morning feel a little less daunting and a little less tiring. i love the whole ritual of it - the standing in line with other people desperately craving a morning coffee. i love when the cashier asks if you want anything else and so you take a glance at the pastry case and sometimes, something will catch the eye. i love hearing what other people order (gibraltar, cortado, cappucino, half caf latte, americano etc). i love hearing the occasional hot chocolate order as i wait for my latte. i love the smells of the coffee shop: the smell of buttery pastry, the rich warm toasty smell of roasted coffee beans, sometimes if i try hard enough, i think i can smell vanilla. i love the first sip of my coffee - it’s worth living for. those small things even though they are insignificant and silly, are worth the $7 and help me find joy when i am struggling.
i try to find excitement and enthusiasm by allowing myself frivolities (dressing up for dinner with viv, taking extra time to do my make up, buying myself flowers) and like anne sexton says: hold beauty. so i really try to find beauty in life and hold it. beauty in life can be found in so many things - they are the small moments, they are the grandiose moments, they are found in small flirtations, a shared glance, the graze of someone’s thumb along the length of your hand, a kiss on the cheek, a phone call from your best friend, a glorious sunny day after the rain, the breeze from an open window, freshly cut flowers in a vase, quietly watering your plants in the morning time, taking off your socks and climbing into bed, hearing ‘i miss you’, telling someone ‘i miss you’, seeing a piece of art that makes you suck in your breath, eating something delicious - something perfectly savory or just the right amount of sweet, a really big sip of water after a long nap, the first bite of cake, a hot shower, the endless daydream about the unknown…about the future…remembering how much there is to experience. daydreaming about who we will meet in this life, who will we walk into love with? where will we end up? what will we do? what things will we see? what will we feel? what colors will we experience?
sometimes, even on my saddest days, if i just think about one of these things or remember how these things feel like - i can hold onto beauty. i can remember the excitement. i can recall my enthusiasm.
i can be eager to find the joy again.
i love you. i want us both to eat well.
pov: we haven’t eaten all day. we should eat something. we should eat something equally delicious as it is comforting as it is beautiful. let’s eat with the windows open.
this is a recipe that is not really a recipe. it’s easily adjustable to your pantry or what is in your refrigerator so use my ‘recipe’ as mere suggestions. this is a simple meal that is delicious and filling and something to make and enjoy when you feel hopeful for a brighter time.
2 cups cooked short grain/ long grain rice
2 jars of tuna packed in olive oil (i use tonnino tuna filets in olive oil and lemon with pepper)
2 hard boiled eggs
a handful of sugar snap peas
1 bunch of spinach, washed
a handful of cherry tomatoes
1 avocado, halved and sliced
1 persian cucumber, sliced
1/4 cup greek yogurt
2 cloves of garlic
kumquats, sliced
herbs/alliums such as dill, cilantro, green onion finely chopped
flaky salt
olive oil
sesame oil
sesame seeds
lemon
bring a small pot of water to a boil. gently place eggs in the water and boil for 7 minutes. after 7 minutes, spoon out the eggs and immediately place them into a bowl of ice water. in the same pot, keep on the heat and quickly blanch your spinach for 1 minute.
once the spinach is blanched, squeeze out the water as best as you can. in a small bowl, mix with a 1/2 teaspoon of sesame oil, 1 teaspoon of sesame seeds, 1 clove of grated garlic and salt. taste for seasoning.
in a pan, on medium heat, add the finely chopped dill, cilantro, green onion, and garlic with a generous glug of olive oil. let them sauté in the pan for a minute or two and then add your cooked rice. add a bit more olive oil and season with salt and pepper. sauté the herbs, garlic and rice all together and press the rice to the bottom of the pan if you would like your rice to get a little crispy. once the herbs, green onion, garlic and rice are well mixed together, transfer rice to your serving bowl. squeeze a bit of lemon juice on the rice.
add a generous squeeze of lemon juice, 1 tbs of finely chopped dill and salt to the greek yogurt. mix well together. taste for seasoning.
peel and slice your hardboiled eggs in half.
in the bowl with your rice, add the sliced tomatoes, sliced sugar snap peas, 1/2 of the avocado, hardboiled egg, the spinach, cucumber, kumquat, tuna and the greek yogurt. add another drizzle of olive oil, a squeeze of lemon and flaky salt.
enjoy together or alone.
what would you like to see more of in this newsletter? what are you interested in reading about? what recipes would you like to see? how is the format of the newsletter for you?
i’d love to know in the comments.
I absolutely love the format of your newsletter. Reading the personal pieces mixed into the recipes is one of the most meaningful experiences I've had lately. Thank you.
I love your recipes <3 I'm having a Pavlova Party with some friends tomorrow night ft. your Pavlova instructions! It's been cold and rainy in LA recently and I was wondering if you've ever made a tomato bisque/soup type of thing? Tomato soup is one of my favorite foods in the world and I don't think I've ever made it. Or a pot pie recipe would also be wonderful!
p.s. in love with the flower shaped tartlet shells I just saw you put lemon curd into <3 your work lightens up my feed every day!