“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.” —Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
Dear Ethaney, I thought this excerpt as I was reading your substack. Sending you love & light always. Stay strong & remember that this community– that you single-handedly built– is here for you, and is proud of you.
thank you for sharing. the weight of existence is heavy and its heavier for some of us than others! sometimes it's hard to keep seeing the lightness and beauty. you're strong for going on. i believe in you!
i had to quit adderall at the beginning of 2022 bc i was getting addicted not necessarily to the focus and energy but to the loss of appetite. i still miss it sometimes over a year later but it’s so worth getting your life back ❤️🫶 i am back to my “pre adderall weight” and infinitely happier. thank you for sharing something so deeply personal
Thank you for sharing such honest and vulnerable words. Your writing is really beautiful and inspiring and I feel honoured to get to read it. Sending love x
thanks for sharing this Ethaney -- substance use disorders are "in my genes" too and pills in particular have wreaked havoc on the people I love. I know how painful and vulnerable it can be to talk about it, and to talk about it truthfully. Sending you love and healing <3
“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.” —Murakami, Kafka on the Shore
Dear Ethaney, I thought this excerpt as I was reading your substack. Sending you love & light always. Stay strong & remember that this community– that you single-handedly built– is here for you, and is proud of you.
this made me tear up. thank you so much for sharing.
thank you ethaney for sharing so much intimate beauty, sending all the love xx
^^ couldn't have said it better, thank you <3
From one ADHD girly to another... thank you ❤️ for your honestly and your words.
Here’s to better days and good butter x
thank you for sharing. the weight of existence is heavy and its heavier for some of us than others! sometimes it's hard to keep seeing the lightness and beauty. you're strong for going on. i believe in you!
i had to quit adderall at the beginning of 2022 bc i was getting addicted not necessarily to the focus and energy but to the loss of appetite. i still miss it sometimes over a year later but it’s so worth getting your life back ❤️🫶 i am back to my “pre adderall weight” and infinitely happier. thank you for sharing something so deeply personal
sending you so much love, ethaney — your work is beautiful and i'm so glad i get to read it. xo
<3
ethaney ♡ thank you for sharing, i wish you easy healing from this and believe in you very much!
This is really good. Thank you for writing it.
thank you for sharing 🩷
Thank you for sharing <3
Thank you for sharing such honest and vulnerable words. Your writing is really beautiful and inspiring and I feel honoured to get to read it. Sending love x
i cried at the end. thank you for your honesty.
thanks for sharing this Ethaney -- substance use disorders are "in my genes" too and pills in particular have wreaked havoc on the people I love. I know how painful and vulnerable it can be to talk about it, and to talk about it truthfully. Sending you love and healing <3
this is so beautiful, thank you for writing it. x
❤️